We were driving south in the darkness toward Salt Lake City for a night of music and revelry when we heard the wail of sirens and witnessed terrified Utah residents fleeing from their homes in a bewildered panic. It was as if the bomb had dropped or the President was assassinated. Struck-dumb and wandering in a kind of confused haze, people all over the SLC landscape were converging in the street and jabbering incoherently. It was something about ‘illegal aliens and citizenship’. “It’s nothing.” I mumbled to my Pusciferian comrade. “They’re talking about rights for aliens.”
“Rights for aliens!” some middle aged ferret-looking woman screeched into my ear. “They’re here to take over!” She wailed. “Nonsense.” I said in an attempt to quell the berserker rage that was about to spill out into the street. She looked at me and I instinctively knew that she’d just lost all hope in a rational universe. Some terrible nightmare had just manifested and was stumbling around like a newly surfaced zombie or infant golem. I was heart-broken but not about to miss my date in the city so slowly I made to creep off while she was preoccupied being crazy. I remembered that Fenster once remarked that “the pathology of conspiracy theory is not imposed from without; it develops from within, when populist demagoguery makes the paranoid style relevant and attractive for an anxious group”. And this lady certainly was anxious. I finally gave up and followed her into the living room of her dilapidated little apartment. A child in a diaper sat on the floor playing with an overflowing ash-tray and said she was “picking out the good ones for mommy”. A tiny balding dog was up on the kitchen sink and lapping droplets of water that seeped from the faucet. And on the couch were two jowl-faced spinsters that vaguely reminded me of the Old Hag or Crone of folklore. They slowly grinned their piecemeal jack O’ lantern smiles and turned back to watching their 1970s era tellie. Now as you know, I’m prone to paranoia. I certainly believe in the power of conspiracy to unravel even the most stoic of individuals. Political paranoia is even more likely to have me talking like a crazy person. Rogin once stated that in “political paranoia there are no accidents. Everything bad that happens is part of a plot of hidden orders and secret powers exercised on the innocent and unsuspecting.” But nothing, I mean nothing was to prepare me for the inherent shock I was about to receive….
Conspiracy theory in modern times has enjoyed such a surge in popularity that it’s now an art-form. Since the assassination of JFK, the growing fears of a New World Order, and the serious distrust of World Governments, modern conspiracy has become an organic entity. Similar to the local squid monster, there are tentacles that pollute all areas of popular culture. Not even the local preachers are immune. People now distrust the clergy as much, maybe more so, than their political leaders. The question is why? What is it about conspiracy theory that attracts a multitude of followers. Studies have shown that the ‘condition’ of society is a likely candidate for an upswing in conspiratorial thinking. As society gets fed up with their leaders running the country like used car-salesmen, dissent becomes a common factor and leads to paranoia. As Veronique Campion-Vincent eloquently remarked, “Conspiracy theories can be considered a folk science or folk history, as a subculture of intellectual dissent, aiming, as do academic treatises, to provide meaningful and accurate explanations of the world’s condition.” The conspiracy showcases what is wrong. Its itinerant agenda is to traverse political, social, and religious milieus and bring these various aspects of society under a common threat. In so doing, the conspiracy theory can effect all walks of life.
I was pondering the ridiculousness of supernatural flights of fancy when I glanced over to our hostess and watched her bullyingly backhand the dog off the kitchen counter. A loud yelp as a I cringed at the dingbat grinning that toothless smile. “Jesus God.” I muttered. “It’s like an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone’.” “You bet it is!” The stalwart woman screamed. By this time, the entire block was full of people waving their hands excitedly and jabbering aloud about what was on the News. I stood dumb-struck and said something like, “It’s not rational. It’s absolutely absurd”, when old crony jumped up off the couch like she’d just received a sudden electric jolt and hissed, “You get, you filthy Communist! We don’t need any of your alien-loving in this house!” I backed away slowly as to not instigate some fit of elderly rage and turned back to the hostess who was now dipping into the ashtray with diaper-girl in search of an un-smoked butt. “You know, I get it.” I mused. “The logic of the conspiracy theory. Step four: Conspiracies sometimes do happen. Within the evil agent that has the means and motivation to form a conspiracy, sometimes there is the capacity for a big event. But I doubt Jim Marrs or Stanton Friedman saw this coming!” She stared up at me glossy-eyed and clearly confused. “Never mind that.” I said. “I’m late, I gotta go.” It was at this point that crony blocked the door and whispered. “It’s not safe…they’ll be everywhere now. They’ll want to stay and ask to be citizens.” She said weepily. I didn’t doubt that but I felt a pang of remorse for Obama. What a thing to experience while live on national television. I couldn’t blame him for his high-pitched terrified scream when it happened. The whole country is gonna back him on this one. And nobody will ever see the Bush dynasty as anything but foul and twisted. I mean, when George Bush Sr. and his awkward son stepped up to the Presidential podium and ripped off their human masks to an unprepared public, they’re lucky the Secret Service didn’t blaze away immediately. As it was, the punishing tackle that sent Bush Jr. flying like a Reptilian rag-doll into the press nearly escalated into a riot. The Bushs snarled and backed away into a corner as every reporter in the room fired off multiple shots of the Reptilian aliens that once were in command of the most powerful country in the Free World.
Looking back, I don’t think anybody is really surprised that the Humanoid Reptilian Alien Hypothesis turned out to be true. Icke had been spouting crazily for years that “to maintain their position of world domination down through the centuries, the Aryan lizards have created a secret society known as the Freemasons or Illuminati.” And I was always a bit weary of the Bush administration. They seemed either diabolically clever or plum dumb. But now with the Reptilians securing their place into human culture, it makes me wonder just what Pike and Weishaupt were really up to. And just how many of our conspiracies and fairy-tales are actually true. Perhaps we should reevaluate all forms of folklore in order to ascertain the likelihood that all narratives of this form are based on reality. This country can’t afford many more shocks of this kind. We’ve got a real monster here and it’s gonna take time to see where all the cards now lay.
 Rogin, M.P. Body and Soul Murder: JFK. In Media Spectacles. Ed. M. Garber, J. Matlock, R. Walkowitz. 1993. Routledge. New York. Pp. 14
 Campion-Vincent, Veronique. From Evil Others to Evil Elites: A dominant Pattern in Conspiracy Theories Today. In Rumor Mills: The Social Impact of Rumor and Legend. Ed. G. Fine, V. Campion-Vincent, C. Heath. 2005 Transaction Publishers, New Brunswick.
 Lewis, Tyson and Kahn, Richard. The Reptoid Hypothesis: Utopian and Dystopian Representational Motifs in David Icke’s Alien Conspiracy Theory. Utopian Studies 16.1 2005. pp.45-74